Things to ponder over
July 4th, 2007 by Ray Jackson-
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
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Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
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Life is sexually transmitted.
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
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In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
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If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
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Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Do you ever wonder why you visited my blog?
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