Rayj VWD e-lottery and eVo Experience Blog

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:

Company Policy:

Effective from 15 July 2007

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.  
 
Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.  
 
Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management

Ray Jackson

•    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  

•    Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  

• The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  

• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  

• There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
  

• Life is sexually transmitted.
  

• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  

• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  

• Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  

• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  

• Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
  

• Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  

• All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  

• In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  

• Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
  

• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  

• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  

• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  

• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
  

• If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  

• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  

• Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
  

• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  

• Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
  

• Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  

• Do you ever wonder why you visited my blog?